Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
