we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?