why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table