Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
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Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
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Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys