hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
