yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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