I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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