I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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