I need to stop coming to work sober
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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