It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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