I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
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I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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