Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
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It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
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After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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