you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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