If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
