I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
