You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
