y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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