recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
