Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
