At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
