I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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