At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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