All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
