What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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