Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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