what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize