Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
