Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
