my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
