i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
