she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
