I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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