i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
