He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
