nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
