How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
