Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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