so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
