I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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