Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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