The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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