I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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