i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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