you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
