In the future we'll all be gay
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
