Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
