I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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