It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
