I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
