she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
