8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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