He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And then my night got REAL pukey
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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