I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
