I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
