i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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