i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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