Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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