dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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