I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
