Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
