She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
