Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
