I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
