i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I am spending my child support on dildos
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
