I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
