shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
