Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
